Innocent Questions Perverted

Today I asked an innocent question for the 30th time of the morning and it went like this:

Me: What can I do for you today sir?

Sir: I don't know, what can you do for me today? ~highly inappropriate look~

This might be a good time to remind the audience that I'm 24. I'd hazard a guess and say the man in question was in his 60s. 

Me: Uhhh.....really, what do you need? ~spotting checkbook~ Aha! Would you like me to check your account balance? 

Sir: No thanks. 

And then he wandered off to bother one of the higher ups. Who agreed with me after the fact that he creeps everyone out. However, while creepy it was also incredibly entertaining.  I mean, who does that?  I decided that I deserved an extra dose of coffee for my day. Coffee makes everything better. 

Spaz attack:

Lack thereof! Yesterday, I got bored waiting for dinner to be ready and did a 30 minute pilates video ala netflix. It was actually kind of fun and I didn't hurt myself which seems like a good sign. I'd like to find a class or something to take that doesn't involve more than 5 minutes of driving. I miss good public transportation. 

Monster Trucks and 911

My new job has a slightly strange schedule. I work weekends but have Wednesday and Thursday off. For me, this is perfect. The art museums around here have specials on certain Thursdays. Anyways, I was sitting peacefully at my desk doing some paperwork when I heard a loud boom.  I got up, went to the window and saw a giant spray painted pick-up truck with monster style wheels crash into the gate instead of waiting 10 seconds for it to sense the vehicle and open. Thinking they would drive off, I pulled out my phone to snap a picture of the license plate.  Instead, the guy driving, threw open the door, vaulted the fence, sprinted away, climbed another fence and ran off.  Leaving me with a gigantic truck blocking the gate.  

Phone call to my manager:

Me: ~Blurt out story in high speed~ What do I do????

Manager: Call 911, the emergency maintenance guy, and then a tow truck. 

Me: Okay, thanks! Sorry to bother you on the weekend! Bye!

The police showed up 5 minutes later and luckily for me, it was a stolen vehicle from a different county so I didn't need to call a tow truck-- they took it away for me. Probably faster than a commercial tow company too. How this vehicle didn't get caught sooner is beyond me. It was very distinct looking and the thief was obviously not the sharpest tool in the shed. The gates were a complete loss. The maintenance guy tied them open so that people could get in and out until the gate company can come out and replace it. What a mess. 

Thankfully the rest of the afternoon was uneventful. I sent Salsa Boy out for vodka so I could have a cocktail after all of that. Of course, I forgot that I now live in the South where you can't get hard liquor on a Sunday. He managed to find me a place that had wine which is something. Chinese take out and red wine isn't a bad combo. 

Spaz Attack:

I managed to close a binder on my finger today. Incredibly painful for about 5 minutes but no lasting damage. 

Blogger/iphone FAIL

Recently I got an iphone. AT&T had a deal where you got an iphone 3GS for $50. Since Salsa Boy already had a plan, the costs per month were minimal. Ever since then, it seems like I only turn on Marilyn (my laptop) about once a week to deal with financial stuff. Here is the problem: blogger sucks on the iphone. There is an app where you can post from your phone which is nice but it's really hard to read blogs on blogger from my dashboard. I get inspired to write by reading other blogs. SO I'm making a promise to myself--turn on Marilyn more often!

I started a new job recently. I'm not sure what company policy is about employee blogging so mentions of it here will be minimal. Let's just say that I work in an office. Apparently, I replaced a string of very nice people who were also dumb as rocks. I am redoing some older paperwork and the errors are phenomenal. Like...misspelling "February" or forgetting to fill in all of the blanks on a form. Like my 6th grade ESL students in Korea could have probably done a better job.

It made my OCD tendencies absolutely nuts. At least when I finish fixing all of these things I won't be tortured daily anymore.

On a more positive note: no major spaz attacks recently! Unless you count paper cuts from paperwork which in the grand scheme of Alex being a spaz is pretty minimal.

Car Spaz Attack

So Thursday night it started to sleet and then snow. We didn't get that much snow but the roads were solid ice Friday morning. Being the south, the entire city of Austin shut down. I had to go into work but I wasn't really worried. When I was first learning how to drive my dad took me to an empty parking lot that was iced over and made me practice turning and losing control on ice so that I wouldn't panic when it happened to me on the road. He also made a point of taking me out to drive when the weather was bad.

Things I didn't take into consideration:
1. I learned how to drive in a pickup truck.
2. I learned how to drive in an automatic.
3. I learned how to drive with proper tires.

So after I said goodbye to Salsa Boy (who told me to drive carefully), I got in the car and cautiously headed out. I was fine for about 3 minutes, until I had to pull out from our property. When I went to shift into second, the car spun out and hit the curb. I smacked my head against something (no idea what, didn't hurt very much in the grand scheme of my spastic behavior) and then wanted to smack it again since I just did exactly what I said I wouldn't do. The car seemed fine and I headed on my merry way to work, thinking the crappy handling was due to the ice and not me hitting the curb.

Driving home, when the ice was all gone, I realized that all was not happy in car land. In order to drive in a straight line I had to hold the wheel at an angle. For whatever reason, car repair shops are not open on weekends around here.  This morning I took my car in and....

Me: I think I need an alignment job.
Amazing Car man: No problem!
(after taking a look at my car): ....your control arm is completely busted and your tires are so bald they are about to burst.
Me: Oh man. Ummm, what's a control arm?

He took me back to my car and showed me what I did as well as the tread check which the poor tires failed spectacularly.  So apparently my accident was partially my fault for not knowing about how to shift gears on ice and partially because my tires had zero tread. They were super nice to me and didn't try to screw me over on the price (yay for having my Daddy on speed dial who also knows the price of every car repair known to man).

This is my most expensive spaz attack to date, breaking a grand (tires included in that).  C'est la vie. On the positive end of things, I didn't hit anyone else!